BBW Dating - Breaking Down Taboos

October 14, 2020
Plus Size Dating Taboos

You'd think in the modern era of digital dating, gender fluidity and diverse sexualities, that there wouldn't be many dating taboos left. 

The fact is that there are - and one of the most common is when it comes to BBW dating.

Let's lay down some facts, answer some commonly asked questions, and explore everything there is to love about embracing your size.

BBW Dating: The Facts

BBW, if you're not sure, stands for big, beautiful women.

Nothing wrong with that, right?

And there are very valid reasons that bigger guys, and plussize women, find the world of mainstream dating cold, inaccessible and, frankly, unwelcoming in some cases.

Here are a few of the most common reasons the Best10 team hears from BBW dating site users when asked why they have chosen a BBW platform to look for love, romance, or just a hot date on a Saturday night:

  • Mainstream dating sites feel like a competition. There seem to be thousands of beautiful, slim, young men and women - and if you fall outside of that socially accepted stereotype, you feel uncomfortable and out of place.
  • Embracing your size can be a taboo, and even be met with attacks. If you're anywhere over a size 16, I know you feel me. It doesn't matter how vibrant, smart, friendly, gorgeous you are - some people just can't accept that if you aren't a slim person, you can still love yourself, be confident, and have as much right to happiness as anybody else.
  • Plussize can be a bit niche. So I know that sounds contradictory - but it is a fact that for a lot of dating site users, they're looking for an ideal (that probably only exists in their head!), and won't pay a seconds' attention to a larger profile; even if they're not exactly a model athlete themselves. Why would you spend hours of your life on a dating site where you don't get one mutual like or a single message response?

So there we have it - BBW dating sites serve a purpose, a customer, and a need that exists. 

That, of course, is not to say that some mainstream dating sites aren't wonderfully inclusive, happy communities to be a part of! However, by and large, they don't cater to the needs of plussize singles.

The Dark Side of Digital Dating

Firstly, I'll say that we love everything about online dating - the opportunities it gives you to meet new people, the thrill and excitement of flirting with a glam stranger, and the way it has evolved in diversity to be something everybody can enjoy.

There is something about breaking down barriers, helping introverted people find a way to connect, and how global accessibility is revolutionising the world that makes me a bit warm and fuzzy.

However, and it's a big however, there can be a dark side. And it's one that a lot of BBW daters are sure to identify with.

Dating taboos do still exist; and woe betide you if you happen to be a little different, end up on the wrong platform, and become a target for malicious users who think they have the right to determine who does, and who doesn't, belong.

This includes anything such as:

  • Interracial dating
  • Plussize singles
  • Age gaps between couples
  • Multi-partner relationships
  • Non-binary people

Of course, one of the core things we look at when reviewing a site is what sort of members it attracts, how well the security settings work, and whether you're exposed to bots and spammers - so if we've given a site our stamp of approval, you're well assured you won't come across such behaviour there!

BUT, if you stumble onto the wrong platform, abusive and cruel messages can shred your self-esteem, and have a long-term impact on your ability to put yourself out there, and be proactive about improving your love life.

The Benefits of BBW Dating

So we've looked at why mainstream dating sites don't always work for everyone, and what can happen if you fall outside of a 'socially accepted norm' and end up in the wrong place.

Now let's consider the plus sides of plussize dating (sorry, couldn't resist!) and why it's not a taboo, or a fetish, but an authentic dating requirement that caters to a large proportion of our society.

  • BBW Dating isn't a fetish. 

It's not for people who want to fantasise about bigger ladies; it's not about BDSM - it's real, genuine people who want to find romance. 

This is where specific BBW sites play their part; they bring people together who are sexualised or fetishised on a lot of mainstream sites (in some cases, unintentionally).

  • Niche platforms provide ownership. 

You're not dulling down your personality, or hiding behind creatively staged profile pictures in the vague hope of being noticed - you can be as proud, confident and as outrageous as you like! In fact, the more, the merrier!

  • You have a much better chance of actually finding somebody. 

In all the winks, digital bouquets, horribly vapid swipe games and 'ranking' systems (shudder) - the point of online dating sites is to help a single person find another single person. 

It doesn't matter if you're after a sexy hookup or a marriage partner, you should be able to find them. BBW dating evens the playing field, so you've got a decent chance of meeting a viable date, whatever relationship type you're after.

  • Nobody feels excluded.

Now I get that a lot of the time, there isn't any deliberate or intentional exclusion of anybody; by and large, we feel excluded because we think we don't fit in, whether or not that's something borne of our own imaginations or not. 

Regardless of why, we all feel comfortable in a community where we fit in - and if you're plussize, a lot of dating sites feel quite the opposite.

  • BBW isn't just for women.

Like a lot of terminologies and acronyms that become a part of our vocabulary, yes, BBW used to be just about women. You'd find spammy websites promising a steamy night with a big sexy babe, and all the images would be 80's glamour shots with frilly lingerie.

That isn't the case any longer; dating has moved with the times, and while we still use BBW as a catchall descriptor, you'll find just as many cute guys looking for their happily ever after as you will hot women searching for a date.

There you have it; hopefully, that's a useful summary about BBW dating, the value it brings to people, and why, in my mind, it has a very real place in the world of modern online dating.

Niche dating sites aren't going anywhere; and if they bring someone a little joy every now and again, I'm all for it.

Lauren Edwards-Fowle
Lauren is a freelance writer passionate about how we develop rewarding experiences, and overcoming the barriers we face to living our best lives. Lauren writes regularly about the modern world of dating, relationships, parenthood, and social dynamics.