Love It or Leave It?

Right, so here's the thing: absolutely nothing moved this week. Not a single app budged. Your top five are still your top five, which honestly tells you something important — the dating app market has calcified. EliteSingles remains untouchable at 92, Bumble and Tinder are locked in a tedious embrace, and everyone else is basically fighting over leftovers.

The interesting bit, though? Look at the middle order. Match, eHarmony, and OurTime all climbed one spot last week, which means something's shifting down there — probably people finally realizing that serious apps deliver better results than swiping at 11pm. Our review of eHarmony sits at a whopping 9.8/10, yet its overall score is only 65.1. That's the gap between "actually great at matchmaking" and "nobody can find it through the App Store." Classic.

OkCupid's the real casualty — plummeted three places to 11th last week and is staying put. 58.4 out of 100 is basically a "you could do better" in any other context, and yet their App Store rating is a solid 4.2. That disconnect? Red flag. Something's rotten in San Francisco.