Online Dating Tips For Women Over 40

July 8, 2021
Online Dating Tips For Women Over 40

We've all heard the saying that it's never too late for love, but the truth is online dating can feel like a grim place if you've come out of a long-term relationship and find slim pickings out there.

The thing is, it shouldn't be.

There are some fantastic dating sites in San Francisco, for example, and the dating sites in New York are THE number one place for people to meet their partner - at any age!

Most of the time, the problem is that you're simply on the wrong sites.

Casual hookup apps, mindless swipe dating, and bland, generic date platforms aren't going to cut it for adult women looking for authentic, real-life romance!

Let's work through some of the tips from the Best10 Dating team to make sure your new online experiences don't end up a waste of time.

Patience is Key

So, you've decided you're ready for love. That might be because you've finally reached a stage in your career when you have time to share, want to get back out there after a separation, or have realized you've been dating the wrong people all this time!

The first thing to remember is that, just because you've decided you're ready, your soul mate might not be.

Patience is vital when online dating.

Even the best-rated dating sites in San Francisco change on the daily, so don't expect your perfect guy or girl to be waiting there when you join - sometimes, it can take months or even a year before they'll pop up. 

And, when they do, you'll be super pleased you didn't settle for that 'OK' date you weren't that interested in!

Trust us - wait for the fireworks. They'll change everything.

Don't Change to Fit a Mould

Lots of middle-aged women feel like they're trying to compete in the online dating world. That's the opposite of our advice for finding genuine love!

If your homepage is full of singles half your age, then clearly, it's time to jump ship.

The best online dating sites for mature women depend on where you live, what sort of romance you're after, and your values, but they might not be one of the largest dating sites in New York.

Instead, you might find a perfect fit on:

  • Professional US dating sites for career-minded women.
  • Lesbian or LGBTQ+ platforms if you'd like to meet other women.
  • Single parent apps if you have kids to consider.
  • Divorced dating sites (where everyone has been just where you are!).

Don't squeeze your personality, uniqueness, and charm into a box to try and conform to the majority.

Find your niche and where you feel comfortable being exactly the woman you are.

Try Something New

Online dating itself might be a new adventure for you - in which case, good for you!

It's all about being proactive.

Relationships don't happen to you; they are formed by you. So it's up to you where you push your comfort zone, which values you set, and the deal-breakers you keep in mind.

However, tried and tested doesn't always mean it's the best. If you haven't had any joy, and are tired of being patient, perhaps it's time to mix it up.

That might mean registering on a different app, making the first move in messaging folks you'd like to get to know, or joining a singles club.

Our top advice for women over 40 who feel stuck in a rut is to go on a break - all by yourself!

It's a brilliant way to reset your mind, refresh your energy, and feel empowered to embark on a new dating journey without needing anybody to hold your hand or question your decisions.

Never, Ever, Date Someone Who Reminds You of Your Ex

Just, never!!

We all might have a 'type,' and yeah, sure, it's a bit like putting on your natty slippers that feel comfy and fit in all the right places.

However, this is a MASSIVE mistake, so please make sure you're keeping a close eye on your subconscious and not repeating any behavior that didn't pan out so well last time!

It's really common to fall for someone who sparks nostalgia (ever wondered why so many women end up marrying guys who look awkwardly like their Dads?).

We'd always say that when it's time for a change, it's time for a change - don't compromise on what you're looking for to settle for something that isn't true to your relationship values.

Prioritize Honesty

Perhaps that seems a bit obvious, and it's not like you don't have a bit of life experience that tells you authenticity is the baseline for a successful relationship!

BUT it's all too easy to be suckered into the panic of online dating.

You might feel like there's some time limit, that everyone else is coupled up, or that each person you've connected with online seems to have disappeared, so you need to airbrush your profile a bit.

Honesty is always the best policy.

That includes:

  • What you want from a relationship. If it's casual, Saturday night hangouts, intimacy, and nothing more - that's A-OK. But be clear.
  • Suppose you need someone who is looking for commitment and even marriage. Again, super fine, just make sure you're not glossing over that desire with someone who doesn't feel the same to 'get the job done.'
  • Who you are. Photoshop on a dating profile account is a red flag that you're not honest with yourself or that another member isn’t portraying himself or herself genuinely. 

Let's face it; we're over 40, a few laughter lines are a sign we've LIVED, not something to try and hide!

Be Present in Your Dating Experiences

Dating past our 20s can feel like it's high stakes. You've all got more life experience, careers, maybe kids, mortgage payments - and the thrill of flirting isn't the number one priority anymore.

However, you don't need to think about whether you're happy for a date to meet your kids, or act as their stepparent, to try out the first date and see if you click.

Too often, women over 40 micro analyze their choices and potentially miss out on a great relationship because they're looking too far in the future to see what's right in front of them.

One day, one date, one message at a time.


Lauren Edwards-Fowle
Lauren is a freelance writer passionate about how we develop rewarding experiences, and overcoming the barriers we face to living our best lives. Lauren writes regularly about the modern world of dating, relationships, parenthood, and social dynamics.