Online dating can work - but if you feel stuck in a rut, you're likely falling into one of the common traps that mean you have continually negative experiences and can't put your finger on why!
Today we've compiled the ten primary reasons users report that their online dating endeavours haven't hit the jackpot and what you should do to transform your fortunes.
Assuming that you're unlovable, every dating site sucks, or there aren't all those fish in the sea you've been promised?
Let's pause for a minute and reel our net in.
Dating environments aren't anything like conventional relationships, and it's hard to assess how your profile might come across when you don't have any perspective.
Below we've listed the ten top reasons online dating isn't yielding the results you'd hoped for - and why.
There are tons of reasons you might have decided not to upload lots of images, or perhaps use that one ultra-flattering holiday shot from a few years back, but it sends all the wrong signals.
Although you might be shy or suffer from low self-esteem, you probably don't appreciate what a lack of images means to a prospective date:
Even if you're confident you can win over a match with your sparkling personality, you're rarely going to score a date (or even a message reply) if you don't have at least three clear, decent resolution profile pictures.
Let's face it; if a person has no idea whether they'd be attracted to you, they're going to move right on to a less uncertain prospect, quick sharp.
We tend to glean an awful lot of information from a quick scan of a dating thumbnail and make instant decisions about whether we're a compatible match.
However, that approach often means you skip over some important content that a dating user has spent hours painstakingly putting together.
READ the profile; enough said!
You're messaging someone and asking an obvious question about something they have emphasised in your profile. It looks lazy and uninterested at best.
They might have written about a big fat deal-breaker, a recent divorce, or perhaps having kids.
If you go into a conversation clueless about these essential factors in their search for love, you will fall flat on your face and pretty hard.
Take the time to read the information a match has put out there, and don't feel it's a race to the finish to ship out a message without investing a tiny bit of effort in getting to learn what this person is looking for.
Nobody is sunshine and rainbows 24/7, but if you log into your dating account after the worst Wednesday in your living memory, it's not a great opportunity for romantic success!
If you've spent any volume of time on dating apps, you'll probably be well versed in the cringe sob stories and attention-seeking messages.
The reality is that some people may genuinely be experiencing a crisis of confidence or need support, but using a dating site as your outreach is a horrible way to address your mental health issues.
Anybody who talks themselves down will find it impossible to get a date, partly because they're not painting a great picture and partly because a romantic date will be interested in excitement and attraction - not being your therapist.
Dating sites can feel like the world's worst competition - and so many people fall into the category of coming across as cocky when trying to play up their best sides.
Nobody, ever, is perfect, so presenting yourself as such appears tacky, arrogant, and a huge turn-off, so you might need to reconfigure your approach.
There is nothing wrong with:
Being your true self, even if you are pretty forthright.
Saying what you think and being open with your opinions.
Using plain language, even in a flirty text message.
Problems arise when it looks like you're shoving your awesomeness down the throat of anyone who will listen, so cooling it down and being a bit more relaxed could pave the way to better results.
Ok, so if you've ever started a threat with a really hot dating prospect like this, you're not getting it right:
If that's the level of grind you're putting into messages to get somebody beautiful to agree on a date, it's hardly a good indication of things to come!
Messaging skills don't come naturally to everyone, so don't be put off if you don't have a ton of slick one-liners or ice-breakers down your sleeve (you're very far from alone!).
Include your name, tell them what sparked your interest, and think of one (just one!) question you'd love to know - keep it simple, properly written, and personal, and you'll be off to a much better start.
There isn't an arbitrary timescale for all things dating, so yes, kiss on the first date, meet after a week, or spend months chatting - there is no rulebook here!
However, if you spend weeks debating whether it's worth responding to a message, it doesn't matter whether you decide to reply or not.
Don't think you need to reply within an hour, but if someone puts themselves out there and takes the time to send you a lovely message, the least you can do is acknowledge the effort.
Not interested? It's all good - say so, and wish them luck on their dating endeavours. Karma will be on your side.
We’ve all been there - you find someone who is everything you've ever dreamed of and send them the most perfectly compiled message ever. Then, nothing.
So a couple of days later, you send it again just in case, I dunno, connection problems or junk mail.
They still don't reply, so you send another quick follow up, asking if they've seen the message.
It can go on and on and be heartbreaking, even if you're full of enthusiasm.
One of the potential outcomes is that you either chip away at your confidence repeatedly and ever-desperately.
They might not be online anymore, have met someone, or be a cold personality type who doesn't care how much being ignored hurts.
Either way, you can cast a bad light on a potentially successful dating journey if you keep on messaging profiles that haven't invested any energy in responding.
Don't waste your time on anything that doesn't feel positive, and keep your mental welfare at the forefront.
Weak dating profiles look even worse when compared with funny, engaging content that makes you want to date someone or be their best friend.
Nope, you don't need to be a novelist or a natural-born comedian, but you should at the very least fill out every box on your dating profile.
It's about ensuring the dating app algorithm knows enough about you to provide matches with compatible users.
Online dating, done right, is a piece of cake - it's not difficult at all!
The challenge is that you get what you put in, so a half-baked profile with one blurry profile picture isn't favoured.
Choose a respected dating app, spend an hour or two putting all the details you need onto your profile, and you'll instantly receive more matches.
Picture your ideal date, and write down a list of those characteristics that make your heart feel all giddy; maybe:
Delete it, and start again - or forgo the list altogether.
Here's why: we tend to set incredibly narrow parameters when using a dating site. That means we cut out swathes of brilliant matches because we think that the imaginary person we've dreamed up in our heads exists.
You can have a list of prerequisites (usually age, sexuality, values, perhaps faith) - but it's common to be so picky about your requirements that you lose touch with reality.
We all know that about 90% of content on social media isn't genuine, whether that's a crafty filter or a full-on photoshop job.
The same concept applies to online dating, especially for men who feel they need to live up to some preconceived stereotype to stand a chance of landing a date.
Don't write anything you wouldn't say in real-life, and be truthful in the type of relationship you're looking for, and it'll instantly improve your chances.
Men tend to find online dating harder because they're not accustomed to getting in touch with their emotional side and being open about their feelings, particularly in a digital context.
Online dating works, provided you put in the effort commensurate with the expected results, but choosing a quality dating site free of bots and scammers is essential.
If you're not getting any dates, the first step is to read through our ten reasons your online dating experiences aren't meeting your expectations and look at how many apply.
From there, we'd suggest you spend a bit of effort revamping your profile, looking at your requirements, and reimagining what a world of digital dating might look like if you relax into it.
Visit Best10DatingGuide for links to the best rated dating sites out there, and you’ll be on the right path to finding the perfect reset on your journey towards love.
