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Ten Reasons Online Dating Isn't Working & (How to Fix it!)

April 7, 2022
Ten Reasons Online Dating Isn't Working & (How to Fix it!)

Online dating can work - but if you feel stuck in a rut, you're likely falling into one of the common traps that mean you have continually negative experiences and can't put your finger on why!

Today we've compiled the ten primary reasons users report that their online dating endeavours haven't hit the jackpot and what you should do to transform your fortunes.

Ten Reasons Online Dating Isn't Working for You

Assuming that you're unlovable, every dating site sucks, or there aren't all those fish in the sea you've been promised?

Let's pause for a minute and reel our net in.

Dating environments aren't anything like conventional relationships, and it's hard to assess how your profile might come across when you don't have any perspective.

Below we've listed the ten top reasons online dating isn't yielding the results you'd hoped for - and why.

1. Why Am I Not Getting Any Dates? Lack of Profile Photos

There are tons of reasons you might have decided not to upload lots of images, or perhaps use that one ultra-flattering holiday shot from a few years back, but it sends all the wrong signals.

Although you might be shy or suffer from low self-esteem, you probably don't appreciate what a lack of images means to a prospective date:

  • Potential for catfishing or a dating scam.
  • Unsafe dates with someone you can't identify.
  • A high potential that your physical description is untrue.

Even if you're confident you can win over a match with your sparkling personality, you're rarely going to score a date (or even a message reply) if you don't have at least three clear, decent resolution profile pictures.

Let's face it; if a person has no idea whether they'd be attracted to you, they're going to move right on to a less uncertain prospect, quick sharp.

2. Online Dating is a Waste of Time if You Don't Read Profiles

We tend to glean an awful lot of information from a quick scan of a dating thumbnail and make instant decisions about whether we're a compatible match.

However, that approach often means you skip over some important content that a dating user has spent hours painstakingly putting together.

READ the profile; enough said!

Why Does Online Dating Not Work for Me? 

You're messaging someone and asking an obvious question about something they have emphasised in your profile. It looks lazy and uninterested at best.

They might have written about a big fat deal-breaker, a recent divorce, or perhaps having kids.

If you go into a conversation clueless about these essential factors in their search for love, you will fall flat on your face and pretty hard.

Take the time to read the information a match has put out there, and don't feel it's a race to the finish to ship out a message without investing a tiny bit of effort in getting to learn what this person is looking for.

3. Quit the Games Dating Sites for Pessimistic Daters

Nobody is sunshine and rainbows 24/7, but if you log into your dating account after the worst Wednesday in your living memory, it's not a great opportunity for romantic success!

If you've spent any volume of time on dating apps, you'll probably be well versed in the cringe sob stories and attention-seeking messages.

The reality is that some people may genuinely be experiencing a crisis of confidence or need support, but using a dating site as your outreach is a horrible way to address your mental health issues.

Anybody who talks themselves down will find it impossible to get a date, partly because they're not painting a great picture and partly because a romantic date will be interested in excitement and attraction - not being your therapist.

4. Why Arrogance Doesn't Work on the Best 10 Dating Sites UK

Dating sites can feel like the world's worst competition - and so many people fall into the category of coming across as cocky when trying to play up their best sides.

Nobody, ever, is perfect, so presenting yourself as such appears tacky, arrogant, and a huge turn-off, so you might need to reconfigure your approach.

There is nothing wrong with:

Being your true self, even if you are pretty forthright.

Saying what you think and being open with your opinions.

Using plain language, even in a flirty text message.

Problems arise when it looks like you're shoving your awesomeness down the throat of anyone who will listen, so cooling it down and being a bit more relaxed could pave the way to better results.

5. Dating Apps Don't Work if Your Messages Are Awful

Ok, so if you've ever started a threat with a really hot dating prospect like this, you're not getting it right:

  • Hey, sexy!
  • You're hot, WUD?
  • How r u today, lovely?
  • What's up?

If that's the level of grind you're putting into messages to get somebody beautiful to agree on a date, it's hardly a good indication of things to come!

Messaging skills don't come naturally to everyone, so don't be put off if you don't have a ton of slick one-liners or ice-breakers down your sleeve (you're very far from alone!).

Include your name, tell them what sparked your interest, and think of one (just one!) question you'd love to know - keep it simple, properly written, and personal, and you'll be off to a much better start.

6. Online Dating Isn't Working for You Because You Reply Slowly

There isn't an arbitrary timescale for all things dating, so yes, kiss on the first date, meet after a week, or spend months chatting - there is no rulebook here!

However, if you spend weeks debating whether it's worth responding to a message, it doesn't matter whether you decide to reply or not.

Don't think you need to reply within an hour, but if someone puts themselves out there and takes the time to send you a lovely message, the least you can do is acknowledge the effort.

Not interested? It's all good - say so, and wish them luck on their dating endeavours. Karma will be on your side.

7. You're Persisting With Messaging People Who Ignore You on the Best 10 Dating Sites UK

We’ve all been there - you find someone who is everything you've ever dreamed of and send them the most perfectly compiled message ever. Then, nothing.

So a couple of days later, you send it again just in case, I dunno, connection problems or junk mail.

They still don't reply, so you send another quick follow up, asking if they've seen the message.

It can go on and on and be heartbreaking, even if you're full of enthusiasm.

What Are the Negative Effects of Online Dating? 

One of the potential outcomes is that you either chip away at your confidence repeatedly and ever-desperately.

They might not be online anymore, have met someone, or be a cold personality type who doesn't care how much being ignored hurts.

Either way, you can cast a bad light on a potentially successful dating journey if you keep on messaging profiles that haven't invested any energy in responding.

Don't waste your time on anything that doesn't feel positive, and keep your mental welfare at the forefront.

8. Lack of Profile Content Means Dating Apps Don't Work

Weak dating profiles look even worse when compared with funny, engaging content that makes you want to date someone or be their best friend.

Nope, you don't need to be a novelist or a natural-born comedian, but you should at the very least fill out every box on your dating profile.

It's about ensuring the dating app algorithm knows enough about you to provide matches with compatible users.

Why is Online Dating So Hard?

Online dating, done right, is a piece of cake - it's not difficult at all!

The challenge is that you get what you put in, so a half-baked profile with one blurry profile picture isn't favoured.

Choose a respected dating app, spend an hour or two putting all the details you need onto your profile, and you'll instantly receive more matches.

9. Having a Narrow Search Criteria Means Online Dating is a Waste of Time

Picture your ideal date, and write down a list of those characteristics that make your heart feel all giddy; maybe:

  • A guy who is tall, with dark hair, and volunteers at an animal shelter at the weekend.
  • A drop-dead gorgeous woman who has no idea how beautiful she is.
  • A petite, bubbly and ridiculously funny girl who wants a date who's also madly into BMX.

Delete it, and start again - or forgo the list altogether.

Here's why: we tend to set incredibly narrow parameters when using a dating site. That means we cut out swathes of brilliant matches because we think that the imaginary person we've dreamed up in our heads exists.

You can have a list of prerequisites (usually age, sexuality, values, perhaps faith) - but it's common to be so picky about your requirements that you lose touch with reality.

10. Why is Dating So Hard for Guys? They're Being Inauthentic 

We all know that about 90% of content on social media isn't genuine, whether that's a crafty filter or a full-on photoshop job.

The same concept applies to online dating, especially for men who feel they need to live up to some preconceived stereotype to stand a chance of landing a date.

Don't write anything you wouldn't say in real-life, and be truthful in the type of relationship you're looking for, and it'll instantly improve your chances.

Why Is Dating So Hard for Guys Online?

Men tend to find online dating harder because they're not accustomed to getting in touch with their emotional side and being open about their feelings, particularly in a digital context.

Does Online Dating Really Work? 

Online dating works, provided you put in the effort commensurate with the expected results, but choosing a quality dating site free of bots and scammers is essential.

Why Am I Not Getting Any Dates - And What Can I Do About it?

If you're not getting any dates, the first step is to read through our ten reasons your online dating experiences aren't meeting your expectations and look at how many apply.

From there, we'd suggest you spend a bit of effort revamping your profile, looking at your requirements, and reimagining what a world of digital dating might look like if you relax into it.

Visit Best10DatingGuide for links to the best rated dating sites out there, and you’ll be on the right path to finding the perfect reset on your journey towards love.

Lauren Edwards-Fowle
Lauren Edwards-Fowle
Lauren is a freelance writer passionate about how we develop rewarding experiences, and overcoming the barriers we face to living our best lives. Lauren writes regularly about the modern world of dating, relationships, parenthood, and social dynamics.